you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
