Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
