You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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