Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
