I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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