Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
