You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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