I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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