Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
