Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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