why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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