i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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