No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
