you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
why is half of my head shaved?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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