tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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