The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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