Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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