im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
