You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
