i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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