I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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