Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
