I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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