I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
