You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
