Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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