Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
