im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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