im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
