I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
