My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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