The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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