Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just pynch a tree in the face
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
