Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
