SEEEEXXX PLEASE
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
