my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
