If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
