I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
