walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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