If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
i need some magic done to my vagina
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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