ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
