she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
