What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
