I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
