ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
