Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
