I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
