mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
