Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
