last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
