I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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