I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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