I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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