Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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