Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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