I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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