So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
two words...techno handjob
where are you?
Hypothermia
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
