This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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