his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
