You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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