Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
