Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
