I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
