You made me cry and you don't even care
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
