speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
there is glitter all over my balls
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