I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
