yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
