Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
