We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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