i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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