my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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