dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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