areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
