I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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