Your tits are I can't wait for
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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