yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
