found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
