We named our party play list daddy issues
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
